Funny Stories

I cannot take credit for these stories. My sister sent them to me in an e-mail and I just had to post them. They made me laugh and realize that I am not the only one that has days that make me want to die.


Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY : While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No' . I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Church and Police Cars

So what do the two have in common? From childhood I remember a couple times when the cops decided they would try and cause a stir. Nothing major but enough to the make the small town talk for a day or two. But now Casey and made a new connection. When I was making his lunch today he wanted to know if we could go to church. I said yes when Sunday gets here we will go. His question surprised me because he has not been a fan of Church and daycare there lately. When I asked him why he wanted to go he said he wanted to chase cars with the police car. Not sure what he was talking about I asked him to tell me more. After a fifteen minute store on how he likes the police car that makes lots of noise and the flashing lights it all was clear. On Wednesday Brent and I started a couples bible study at the church and the kids are down in the daycare. They got a new toy police car and Casey played with it when we were upstairs. Hopefully when Sunday comes around he will still be excited to play with the police car.

Just a side note but boy it was so nice to see the sun the past couple days. I am so looking forward to the nice warm weather, the sun and being able to just enjoy the day instead of shiver though it.

What you do in school.

When I went to pick Casey up from school today we have a few errors to run. As we drove around Boise I was asking him questions as normal, about his day and what he did in school. I asked if he had fun, which he did. Then I asked what he had fun doing, coloring, reading, learning. He said yes to all them. The last question I asked was did he have fun talking to his friend and playing with them. We were at a stop light so I turned around to see why he was not answering me. He had a look on his face that said his mother was crazy and he just could not believe it. He then told me that school is not for talking and playing with friends. Its for sitting down and listening to the teacher. I just hope his attitude about school will continue for a few years. He loves to go.

Snowmobiles

Over Christmas Casey got his first chance at riding on a snowmobile. He was not to fond of the noise and was sure to tell me he never wanted to ride on one again. Then tonight we were watching some X-Games snowmobiling and he decided that he wanted to do what they were doing. If you have never seen the games, they are flipping the snowmobiles and doing different tricks while in the air. Anyway, I reminded him that he did not like the machines the last time he was on one. His response was that he would hold on to the handle bars, put his feet on the floor and drive himself with his helmet strapped on tight. Come to find out the problem the first time was not just the noise but the way Grandpa and Daddy drove....to fast and scary. But the jumps looks just fine to him. I had to smile at the way kids think.

Caseys Love of Strange foods

I guess they are not really strange foods but different for a three year old to enjoy. Or probably I am just not giving him enough credit for his taste. Sunday night I made red beans and rice with spicy sausage. He devoured one and half sausages and I didn't have any rice left over. I cooked the sausage with green peppers, onions and tomatoes which he also enjoyed. Monday night we had oven-fried chicken with a sauteed veggie mixture. The veggies were red and green bell pepper, zucchini, mushrooms, celery and squash. Without the help of a cheese topper he ate about four or five helpings. He also loves fish, last night I planned a meal of Hamburger Helper and he saw the fish in the freezer and wanted to have that instead. This is the child that would rather have a ham and cheese melt with ranch dressing than a simple cheese sandwich, loves corn on the cob and will devour almost any veggie as long as I let him cut it with a table knife. I am not complaining about this fact I just find it amazing. Yes he is a normal child as far as his sweet tooth is concerned and he loves fruit. I have truly been blessed with a good eater.

Just a side note...you can see we need summer or warm weather to come our way soon...this is how Casey has been spending his afternoons.

Costco Funny

So I have been awful about keeping up with my posting and I would love to change that but with Casey hating to have me on the computer I dont think it will be anytime soon. But I have to share this story. We went to Costco on Tuesday, not a store I go to often. There are always long lines at check out, so many people wondering around and come on, do I really need 5 gallons of mustard. But we made the trip to for the diapers and pork loin...strange combo I know. As you know the shopping carts are huge and have a stop for two kids to sit in. Casey was riding in the back, like you are not supposed to let them do but he was safe. He wanted to know why they had two seats, so I explained that if you have two kids they can both ride. He just kind of shrugged and didn't care. So I asked him if he would like to have a little brother or sister, no we are going to be having one anytime soon, I just wanted to ask. With a very straight face and no emotion he said no he wants to drive a dump truck or a fire truck or a crane. Just the way he said it made me laugh. No siblings for him just the joy of playing with the big equipment that we see along the road.